She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
