Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize