Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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