There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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