I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
