At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
