How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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