So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
