Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
