thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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