I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
