i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
