I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize