Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
