I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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