i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My life is pants optional.
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