If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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