she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
