were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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