Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
