I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
