Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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