she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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