So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
