Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
