I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
