just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
