I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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