I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
