dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
