I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We are all done wearing pants today
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
