Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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