So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
