That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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