Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
