I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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