This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
