i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize