Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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