hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Let's get the cat blown out
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