last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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