My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
