my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i black out too much to be "responsible"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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