I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
