Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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