his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
