You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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