This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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