My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i think i just lost a toe
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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