I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You were trust falling into bushes
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
