Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
