She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I believe in your delicious
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
