Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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