Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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