im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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