doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize