We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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