I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
