it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize