The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
