this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
