ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Every concussion has its silver lining
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
