Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize