hotel room ftw
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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