Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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