i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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