My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize