I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
