I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
